I Do Remember you
by Jen Richard
Summary: I have changed this stroy a bit. I hope you like this new verison..... Haunting dreams with haunting words. Something is eating Buffy alive from the inside. Can Buffy find the truth? Even if she does can she live with it? B/A


HI!

Well I decided to come back to this story! But I have revised it a bit. I have also added a new beginning. I just didn't like how I started it. I believe this could one of my best stories. This is of course is a B/A but if you don't believe in them that is ok, but you should judge it because it is. I am of course not finished but I hope you enjoy it and tell me what you think. I don't mind flames as long as they help and not insult. Anyway enjoy and I help this prolog tugs on your heartstrings and keeps you coming back for more.

  
  


I DO REMEMBER YOU

Written By: Jen Richard 

  
  
  
  


"All is quiet on the frontier tonight ", Buffy thought to herself, paroling the cemetery for the third time tonight. This nights the vamps have been laying low, trying to keep their dead bodies away from the slayer. Twirling her stake around between her fingers, she kept walking, listening to her own footsteps against the grass. "Here vampy, vampy...", Buffy called out. Nothing. Not even a whisper. Pouting a bit, she rested against a tombstone, she just listen to the noises around her. Since she has been back, it is like her senses have been heighten. The way her coat on her body seem heavier and flow more, the way the cold air made her skin raise with goose bumps, even the sound of the grass under her feet made her more aware of her surroundings. The thing that probably Buffy has been tune with the most is the way her heart beats, when she is scared or mad, it pounded harder then she remembered. Everything was more real now. 

Looking down at her watch, Buffy realized it was 1:00am. Taking one more good look around, she decided to head home. It was one of the clearest nights that Buffy had since in a while. The large moon was bright in the prefect dark sky and the thousand of stars shone like little diamonds. Nights like this is what made living worth it. Little things like that made her forget at least for a second about heaven, but only for a second. Walking home through the park, Buffy spotted a couple making out on the park bench. Her could her their lips moving together, their hands caressing each other. Not a care in the world, just the two them. So in love. Standing there watching them, Buffy made sure they didn't know she was there. She hid quietly behind a bush. She saw the boy stop kissing his girlfriend and just looked in to his girlfriend eyes and smile. Cupping her face with his hands, he softly kissed her forehead and then brought her to his chest where she laid. Both smiling the looked up at the stars. Love. How hoe Buffy missed it. Smiling at them, she stood up continued to walk. Buffy just walked out of the park and down the street close to her house.

Buffy found herself drifting to the other night with Spike. It feel so good but so wrong as the same time. He was the only one who knew what hell she was feeling. Except the part about her missing Angel so much. She didn't like the way that she was treating him. She was using him and when he confessed his love to her, she wanted to believe it. She wanted to feel that feeling again. Alive. She believed she could and she did what she thought she never do again. She slept with another vampire. The wrong one. But at the same time the right one. The one was won't turn evil when it was done, the one who would whisper devotions in her ear later on. But at the same time he wasn't her soul mate, the one she longed for.

Holding her coat tighter to her cold skin, how she longed for Spike now. To take this pain away and return it with pleasure. Violent, body piercing pleasure. Walking faster to get home, she knew she had to before she could turn around and make that mistake again. Buffy could see her house up head, she began to run, run to get away from her secret desire, away from her problems. Running down the sidewalk and across her neighbor's lawn, her chest began to heave pain, begging her slow down. Buffy stop quickly right in front of her house. Standing right in front of her house, she could feel her very alive heart beating fast, almost breaking her chest. Closing her eyes, she just stood there, feeling the cold wind blowing her hair around and making her coat slam in her legs. Opening her eyes once again, she sighed. Tucking her blond hair her ears, she stepped on to her porch and slowly opened the door and walked. Whatever she felt now would have to wait for the morning, her body was telling her that she need her slayer's sleep if she wanted deal with life tomorrow, that is if she could sleep. 

There Buffy stood watching herself. She had this dream every night this week now. Probably because she was alone and her heart haunted her. She was a shamed with herself. Her thing with Spike had brought back so many memories of Angel and her. She knew the only reason she had been with Spike in the first place is because now that she is back, now that she was tore out of heaven by her friends, her heart was torn too.

Her dream was always clouded but she knew what was going on. A clock was ticking, time was running out. She saw herself in his arms. She saw them crying and saw his lips on hers. She just watched not understanding what she was seeing. But then she heard those word. "I will never forget". Those words always haunted her. Now even when she was awake, she heard them. And the look of pain and sorrow on Angel's face said enough. Buffy hated this dream. When she woke up, her stomach turned and her body tingled all over. Her lips trembled with a soul piercing pain in her heart. Then her eyes would slick over with her salty tears as she tried to compose herself. But it never worked. It never did. Even before the dreams she would almost cry herself to sleep every night and when she patrolled she would stop at his old place, now empty. She would lie herself down on the floor where his bed used to be and cry. She would scream loud in to the night of her pain.

No one knew what she was going through. Dead inside. She had lost the only thing that made sense in her mixed up life and now that she couldn't ever have it was un-bearable. It was like someone had taken away her life source. The powers that be must be mocking her, giving her dreams that she didn't understand. Maybe she wasn't meant to. But she always marched on no matter what. Those words in her head always repeating, I will never forget, never forget. Her words.

"Buffy? Hello? Earth to Buffy?", Dawn said she waved around her spoon from her cereal. I will. She had seen Buffy go through these staring moments all week. Never. It was like she wasn't even here, she was some where else. Dawn got up from the table and walk toward the window where Buffy was staring out of. Dawn was quiet with her footsteps. She gently put her hand on Buffy's shoulder and shook her. 

This had startled Buffy as she quickly turn to face her sister. Dawn looked in to the eyes of her sister. They were so cold, so sad. Forget. Buffy looked down at her sister. Every time she drew in a breath it is was there was a heavy weight on her chest.

"Dawny, I am ok. Don't worry. I am just daydreaming", she smiled realizing the worry written all over the young girls face. She was daydreaming. About that haunting dream. Buffy walk towards the door, grabbing her purse before heading out to the magic shop to train. Training always help with her emotions. Dawn was talking to Buffy but again she had zone her out. Buffy just replied with nods of her head and yes I will. She was almost out the kitchen door when Dawn cried out to her.

"So you won't forget?", she questioned her sister. Buffy stopped in her tracks. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest. Her eyes widen as her mouth fell open. She slowly let go of the door knob and turned to face Dawn. I will never forget, never forget. Dawn just stared at Buffy, confused by the look on her face, Dawn stared back at her.

"What did you just say?", Buffy stated. She had a feeling. Inside her. There is something she doesn't know, something important. Something that is killing her. And hearing those words come out of Dawn, had a waken something. 

"I said you won't forget? Remember picking me up after school.... so we can go get Ana and Xander a wedding gift", Dawn said, she crossed her arms and had a worried look on her face. Buffy are you sure you are ok? I mean you have been acting kinda weird lately".

Buffy just stared at her for a moment before shaking her head to snap out of it. Then Buffy had this look of confusion too.

"No I am ok, I just didn't hear you. No I won't forget", she said. There is it was again, a feeling deep down in her bones, in her spirt. But this time is was stronger. When she said those last words, she felt an incredible sense of pain, torture, sadness.

"I got to go somewhere's first. Then I will be at the magic box. I have to talk to Willow. Then I will pick you up. I promise", She smiled at Dawn. Dawn walked over to Buffy and gave her a hug. And for that moment Buffy let herself feel happy again. Buffy kissed Dawn's head and walked out the door.

Buffy as soon as she got out her door ran. She ran as fast as she could. The wind in her face mixed with un-familiar tears that had shown up for some reason. She began to run faster and faster. She knew actually where she was going. To the one place where she could release her emotions. As she flew down the stairs of Angel's old apartment, she angrily though her tears, kicked the front door down and walked in. She broken down as she sobbed un-controllably. Her body trembled with each moaning scream and each sob she wept. She remember the way he touched her when he told her he loved her, the way her made sure she was alright. The way he had protected. The way he loved her. She never had felted something so right in her life. Something so real. But now that she was back, now that things were horrible, life was un-bearable.

Buffy feel to her knees in the middle of the old living room and pounded her fists into the concrete. "DAMMIT! DAMN YOU ANGEL!", she screamed,"Why did you.. you..you..leave me here? Alone? I love you so much! I know you love me. I am so alone now, so dead. I want you. I NEED YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME? DO YOU? DO YOU EXCEPT ME TO FORGET?". Then she fell to the floor, filling it with salty tears.

Buffy laid there on the floor, whimpering, just laying there until some time had past, She decided she had to go. Picking her heavy and tired body up, her face looked hard, her eyes red and her nose runny. Buffy hugged her self as she got up and walked once more to the bedroom. His bedroom. Walked over to this once wall where the bed used to be up against. Before he had left, Angel had wrote, I will always love you forever. Buffy had discovered it hours after he had left. She had told no one that she came here, that those words were there. Only she and Angel knew. He didn't knew that she knew there were they or the fact that she went back to his place. She reached out to touch to words that he had wrote, to believe in those words by touch. But he knew those words he wrote in the middle of his tears and pain were still there. A sob escaped her and more came after, salty tears fell down her face in her grief, sorrow and pain. She brought her small hand to her mouth trying to stop herself from crying. I will never forget, never forget. There were those words again.

Buffy knew she had to leave but those words haunted her. There was something wrong with her and she knew it. There was something she was missing. It was like someone was trying to tell something. But she couldn't figure it out. She decided that Willow must have a spell to help her. Something to stop the pain, the confusion, the unknown. As she walked out of the bedroom, she composed herself and headed towards the door. She stopped in the middle of the room and took a deep breath and turn round facing the bedroom.

"I will always love you too", she whispered as a tear slipped down her face. She tightly closed her eyes and then blew a kiss in to the air. She then walked out closing the door behind her. She headed to the magic box. She needed to talk to Willow.

  
  


  
  



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